Influencing Lives

It Takes a Village

2012-01-27T09:35:00.000-07:00

There is so much attention given to the influence and impactthat parents have on their children. A little less attention is given to the influence of our child’sfriendships. But, how muchattention or focus is given to the influence that OUR friendships can have onour children?

You don’t need to be a single mom to desire trustworthyadults who can be positive role models in your children’s lives. Our children need as manyreinforcements in their lives as possible!

If you see friendships developing between your friends andyour children, cultivate that. Allow your friends to personally invest in your kids’ lives and to betrusted confidants, if need be.

We all want our children to be able to come to us and talkto us about anything. But if theyreally don’t want to or don’t feel comfortable to come to us about something –wouldn’t we rather they confide in a dear friend who can give them wise advice,than a peer of their own?

Surround your children with good examples of honest, Godly,integrity-filled adults. Rely onyour friends to be supportive of your role as the parent and to back you upwhen your child needs to hear advice from a different angle or perspective.

It’s important and vital to understand you won’t be the onlyinfluence on your child’s life. Somake solid friendships with reputable men and women – because they will behelping you raise your children.

Being a Child Again

2011-12-07T16:42:00.001-07:00

The great thing about being a mom is that you have an excuseto listen to all those fun kid CD’s and tapes that your children adore. I have found myself still listening totheir music sometimes after I’ve already dropped them off at school! Can you relate?

One day as I was listening to one of these children’s CD’s;the thought struck me that more people should partake of a child’s world inthis way. So many of the books,CD’s and even basic school lessons or rules that are taught to our children arecentered around morals and values. In my daughter’s preschool class they had a saying that went somethinglike, “you get what you get, so don’t throw a fit!” In other words, be content and thankful for what you have! Now how many parents do you see gettingupset because their child is on the bench instead of playing in the game – orany number of other situations that upset them?

Somehow a lot of usseem to lose these core principles as we grow up and we forget our manners. We need to hear simple truths likethese more often:

*Be nice

*You are special

*Jesus Loves You

*Share

*Tell the truth

*Forgive

It may sound silly, but if we act like children; maybe weshould treat ourselves like children! Maybe we need to listen to those kid tapes and books instead of justreading

them to our child. We need to remind ourselves that we should forgive that woman who cut infront of us in the grocery line. When we feel left out of the mom’s “circle” at school, it would be goodfor us to hear that we are still special.

Values and ethicsaren’t just taught to children so they can outgrow them. Principlesof character should be instilled in us for a lifetime.

So pay attention to the lessons your child is being taughtand remind yourself that all those little sayings and “morals of the story”…apply to you as well.

Company Comfort

2011-10-20T14:20:00.000-06:00

There is something so warm and caringabout being embraced in someone else's home. So many little touches canaccomplish that goal and make your visitors feel welcomed in your home.

Consider the following ideas and implementone, two or all of them for your company.

~Leave a little piece of chocolate onbed pillows.

~Put a vase of fresh flowers in theroom where your company will be staying.

~Put together a small basket of bathnecessities including a disposable razor, toothbrush, shampoo, conditioner andlotion.

~Stock the fridge with cold beverages.

~Give a little "prize" tochildren who come and visit you.

~Place a welcome sign on your garage orby your front door.

~Leave a goodie plate or tray on a mainkitchen or coffee table.

~Sneak a card in their bag or suitcaseletting your visitor know how much you enjoyed their visit.

~Light the room your guest will bestaying in with candles and spray a soothing scent around.

~Place a pitcher and a couple of glassesnear the bed of cold ice water.

~Lay a couple of magazines or books ona bedside table.

~Have your company sign your guestbook.

It All Matters

2011-08-22T11:06:00.001-06:00

A little encouragement for you today - no matter what you're doing or where God has placed you - remember it all matters.

Moms Need To Have More Fun

2011-07-28T11:21:00.000-06:00

Moms need to have more fun.

A mother has a lot of responsibility. We want to do our jobs right and take care of our families right. But somehow we lost our sense of laughter along the way.

I realized this a few weeks ago.

Let's take a little quiz.... see how you rate.

1) Do you get upset with your children when they've had a massive pillow fight in their bedroom and left a huge mess? Or do you jump in and join them - thankful that they are getting along and laughing together as siblings?

2) Do you send your children outside on the quest to "find someone to play with?" -- or do you go in the backyard and swing with them?

3) Do you sigh in exasperation as you find your child has not done something you've asked them to do for the umpteenth time instead of telling them you will tickle the stuffing’s out of them if they don't take care of it within 5 minutes??

Our children love it when we find the time to abandon our agenda and spend time laughing and enjoying life with them. It shows them that we value them above our projects and "to-do's."

Finding the fun in life is also very good for us. It reminds us to "lighten up." And face it - we need to do that sometimes! Laughter and joy inject a much-needed air of freshness in our homes.

I am not saying that we should never follow through on discipline issues or fail to teach our children to be responsible. I AM saying that we need to enjoy the moments that we have with our families because the time is moving by so swiftly! And learning to laugh will relieve us of all of that stress and burden that can so heavily weigh on our shoulders.

Valuable lessons can be taught in the fun moments as well as the serious moments in life. Remind yourself what it feels like to embrace the fun of having a marshmallow fight in a kitchen that is usually always fighting to be kept clean. Remind yourself what it feels like to look at the positive side of life and let that permeate and help you balance the "musts" and "have to's."

We need to have more fun. Let that be your challenge for this week. :)

Facing Our Fears

2011-05-02T15:26:00.000-06:00

If you are like most moms; you have a lot of fears that infiltrated your life once you gave birth to children. You may be afraid of flying and crashing, child molesters, getting terminally ill or sick, your children getting hurt…and countless other fears. If you’re not careful these fears can grow and rule your life.

We are faced with bad news every time we turn on the television and so we can constantly be reminded of the “what if’s.” This in turn can cause us to parent our children out of fear instead of love.

If you want to have a healthy home and family, you need to face your fears. Realize that God is in control….not you.

We can always exercise wisdom and caution in our lives, but not to the point that it prevents us (or our children) from enjoying or participating in life.

Just because you agree to let your child do something doesn’t mean you won’t worry about them. And your own personal fears in life will take time to confront and overcome. But use your fears as a way to communicate with your children and to get educated on the facts. Use the opportunities that come up as outlets for planning and preparing for those “what-if’s” instead of just merely hiding from them.

Baggage

2011-04-23T15:23:00.000-06:00

We lived through many hurts and joys before we became moms and had children. As much as we try, sometimes those past experiences can’t be forgotten and very much impact who we are today. They affect our emotions and reactions.

It’s important that we face what we have gone through for our children’s sakes. They don’t need to pay the price for what we went through.

Do what is necessary to put your past where it belongs – in the past. Most of us have baggage, but we don’t need to carry it with us everywhere we go.

Finishing Touches

2011-04-06T15:17:00.000-06:00

When I first started out on my own – I had pretty much nothing. My parents lent me an old VCR player and some shelves, a friend lent me some dishes, etc. Then, when I got married we acquired a few things of our own but still had a lot of “his and hers” as well as ‘hand-me-down” items.

Just a few years ago my husband and I finally purchased our OWN bedroom set. We had been using a frame we bought from my cousin and nightstand and drawers that I got in high school! We were so excited to have matching pieces and a ‘grown up” set that we had picked out together.

As we start to travel, we have also accumulated a few items from special locales. My husband brought back a beautiful painting and some carvings from Africa. We have a tapestry from Peru, and other special mementos. It has been such a delight to be able to replace dollar store knickknacks with items that actually have memories and meaning attached to them!

I am amazed at young people starting out on their own. It seems like they want to “set up” house and have it encompass what someone who has been working for 30 years and married for 15 has. They don’t “get” the fact that you have to earn things. Sure, I started out with borrowed items, hand-me-downs and cheap décor from dime shops. But I was so happy and thankful to have it because otherwise I would have done without.

I will never forget the first time I went and purchased a big piece of furniture on my own. I was living in Las Vegas and I bought a “barrel chair” (those round wicker kind) for $99. I was SOOO excited. For you see, I was living in an apartment and had been sitting on the floor until then! That barrel chair lasted into the early years of our marriage before my husband told me that someone was going to get hurt on it (it would slip when sat in) and we finally got rid of it. But to this day, my heart smiles when I see one for it brings back such sweet memories. There is something to be said for earning and working hard for things.

Today, we still have some hand-me-downs. I’m working and dreaming of the day when I can replace some of them and put the “finishing touches” on my home. A home is an extension of someone’s personality and mine has slowly but surely been turning into the kind of home I truly feel like myself in. But regardless of what has been in my home and even though it hasn’t always looked like a catalogue, I have always been proud. For you see, pride comes with a thankful heart and I’ve truly been thankful.

My home is truly becoming a special place. I treasure the gifts that have been given to us with our thoughts and tastes in mind. I adore the pieces we’ve brought back from our travels or the loving pieces my children have made for me. For it all focuses on what truly matters to me – relationships.

Letting Go of the Guilt

2011-03-16T15:14:00.000-06:00

I have this "inner" dilemma. I hate to let people down. When I am asked to do something I have a very hard time telling someone "no" - even if I would really rather not. I guess I feel obligated because they are my friends or because they did something for me, or because they really do need help.

I have learned the hard way that this is a problem for me. I have gotten stressed out, and neglected my health because of it.

You see, I am a people pleaser. So that means that I find great delight in helping others. I want people to be happy with me. I want them to find favor with me. Sometimes to my own detriment. And that puts great stress on me when I feel that I do anything that comes up short.

I am learning though. I am learning I can still be friends with someone and not go to their latest home party, BBQ, or get together. I don't have to have something else going on. It can be just because I have a busy week or because I need to do some projects around the house. And to my utter amazement - it can simply be because I don't want to! I am learning to allow myself that courtesy.

I am seeing that people can expect more of you when they know you are a "giver." They have no problem delegating tasks to you. But a friend of mine recently told me that "there will always be opportunity and there will always be needs." And she is so right. I can give until I'm blue in the face. There has got to be a line to draw somewhere. A line where I put my needs and my families needs first. It doesn't mean that I don't care. It simply means that I am finding a balance in my life and prioritizing my commitments.

I am still struggling with this issue of "letting people down." It is very, very hard for me to do. I tense up when people complain about not hearing from me, or that I am not keeping them updated on my family enough. And I struggle with hearing about other issues and comments as well. . But I am learning to "self-talk" to myself in more positive terms instead of guilty ones as I learn to deal with these demands placed upon me.

I am learning that I cannot own everyone else's thoughts and behavior...hard as that may be! I can't control how they feel towards me. What I can do is love them and learn to let their comments, and demands go. It is a tug they place on me that I internalize; not my own standards for myself. And I know that I have a large, active family who all has great hearts for the Lord and for others. We do our best to give our all to everyone we care about and that is going to shift and rotate to different people during the seasons and phases of both their lives and our own.

I have a long ways to go as I learn these lessons and decrease the inner turmoil my heart feels as new issues come up each day in life. But I AM learning. And I'm thankful that I'm on a new path instead of the self-destructing old one that I have been on.

We all have enough demands in life without putting unnecessary ones on each other. Let's just love each other and enjoy one another when we can. That's what I'm learning to do. It's what I would recommend for my children, and now I'm recommending it for myself.

The Grass Is Always Greener

2011-02-28T15:00:00.000-07:00

When my life is really hectic and busy, I long for quieter days where I can putz and roam at “will.” I dream of a day where I can delve into a project or have everything around the house caught up on, so that I can read for hours with my children or play game after game with them without worrying about the time.

But then when those slow days seem to come, it seems like I look around me and feel like everyone is doing something exciting in their life but me. I tend to feel like maybe I’m boring or maybe I should look into a new opportunity or activity in my life.

Have you ever felt that way? We tend to always want what we don’t have. Have you ever stopped to wonder why that is?

I think it’s because we don’t know how to be content with what we have and where God has placed us in our lives. We take our eyes off of the road He has placed us on, and we look at someone else’s road. We fail to take into consideration that that someone could be looking at our road and wishing for our set of circumstances as well! We just carry this mentality with us of thinking that we need to be doing (or not doing) what the rest of the world is doing!

We trip ourselves up a lot with this way of thinking. I know there have been many times where I have wallowed in a little bit of self pity only to remember later on that I had asked for that certain situation or set of circumstances to come up! And when it did, I was only ungrateful.

The grass is always going to look greener on the other side of that fence if we continue to look at what everyone else has instead of looking at how much we have to be thankful for. When times are busy, we can be thankful for friends who invite us to activities, or healthy children who are well enough to participate in sports. And when they are slower, we can be thankful for those times to recharge, catch up around our homes, and spend extra time loving on each other.

I think it’s all in how we look at it.

The Mom Machine

2011-01-10T15:05:00.000-07:00

Peanut Butter and jelly sandwiches, laundry, grocery shopping… the list could go on and on. What I wouldn’t give some days to sit by a pool, get a massage, or ride a horse carefree on green hills! But that is not where God has called me to at this time in my life.

Sometimes, do you get that feeling that you’re on automatic pilot and you left your heart somewhere? It’s okay. It’s okay to feel that way as long as the feeling doesn’t stay and hinder you from being the best you can be where God currently has you.

We can all feel the “I’m being taken for granted” syndrome and it may or may not be true. But when I feel this way I need to remind myself sometimes that it doesn’t really matter in the long run if I’m being taken for granted or not. Because the smiles I see on my families’ faces and the impact I make in their hearts by God using me and shining through me – is worth all those tired days and nights I spend investing into their lives.

I think I am privileged to have this role because I know children are precious to the Lord – and He chose to put me in charge of them. That’s saying a lot.

Other People Aren't Important

2010-12-21T14:58:00.000-07:00

My heart has been saddened the last few Christmases. I've discovered that my family has been the recipient of fewer and fewer Christmas cards each year. Receiving an update, letter, pictures, and maybe a word or two of care and love from those in our life - well...it's one of my favorite things about Christmas! I check the mailbox every day for those words and greetings of love, support, and comraderie. They come less and less.

I'm not the only one. I've talked to several others who have seen the same thing happen to them. They are not seeing as many Christmas cards being sent to their families.

Are people getting too busy? Do they have so much to do in their lives that they can't reach out to touch those who are supposedly supposed to be important to them? Is the cost of stamps really that high?

I've decided that it is just that when it comes down to it - other people aren't as important to people as they say they are. What else could it be? "Well-meaninged" intentions are nothing unless they are put into action!

This year, I got tired of sending "obligatory" christmas cards out to people whom I had not heard from in the past four years. Family or not - I decided to make a statement and only send cards to those who had put something of themselves into my families' life during the year in some way. I cringe at saying that because I love each one of these people dearly. But there's got to be somewhere, some point where you say - I won't be taken for granted anymore... just how much do I mean to you?

My heart truly grieves that this is what we've come to. That our lives are becoming more about "to-do's", "have-to's", and "need-to's" than they are about relationships. It's gonna show up in our lives, you know. We will see more depressed people, stressed out people, and cold-hearted people without the interaction and interweaving of connected relationships in their lives.

If you are one of the ones who doesn't send out Christmas cards - shame on you! Shame on you for "taking" from others and not giving something so simple, so easy, and so heartfelt - a little love.

Maybe other people just aren't as important to you, as you say they are. And if they truly are important to you - how would they know? - You don't tell them.

The Sound of Silence

2010-12-12T14:53:00.008-07:00

We are blessed to live in a day and age with so many technological advances. I can remember when our family got a microwave, when we had to get up to change the channel on the television, and when most homes didn't have computers or answering machines. Each one of those items is so common today, it's considered uncommon to not have one!

With our advances, comes a lot of noise though. We have the television on, the stereo, the computer and ipods - all transmitting noise into our world. As parents, we have additional noise with children in our homes, the telephone or doorbell ringing, microwave, dishwasher, or dryer beeping, etc. Wow - we can just get overloaded on NOISE! It's no wonder that we grab our heads in pure desperation for calm sometimes.

We may feel that some of the noise that permeates our day is not bad noise. We can enjoy the tunes of our music or the input of the daily news. But regardless of whether the noise in our environment is "good noise" or "bad noise" it's still noise.

Do you find it hard to let your body relax? Do you have a hard time getting to sleep? Do you have to turn on some background noise when you are home alone?

We need to learn how to simply embrace some quietude and rest. Our hearts need to be pampered once in awhile, our brains need to refocus. We need to sit still and be still long enough to listen to God. Can you hear Him? Do you slow down long enough to listen? Sometimes He might be whispering to your heart -- but you don't hear because you are too busy, too engrossed in the busy signals and sounds of the world around you.

Silence is not boring. In fact, it can be kind of like a warm blanket wrapping itself around your heart and soul - tending to it. At first, it may seem strange and you may fidget or grow restless. But these are only signs of how much you need to grasp a hold of yourself. Learn to enjoy your own company. Being alone and being lonely are two different things. Silence doesn't always represent loneliness. It can represent peace, contentment, warmth, and calm. All things that can get so crowded out in our "loud" world.

If you ever need to clear your head, or gain perspective - the best way to do that is in a quiet, silent place. It can be out in nature or in the still of your home. It is in these moments, that our head clears and we truly recharge and remind ourselves of our own vision, desires, and passions. It is in these moments that God draws alongside of us and speaks to us.

I don't want to miss those moments. I don't want to forget what it's like to truly take in a moment - a moment that only the sound of silence can show me.

What Really Matters

2010-11-30T14:51:00.000-07:00

We were just going to be out of town for the weekend. A 9 hour drive for a family celebration. It was a lot of driving for a short weekend trip...but worth it to us to be a part of things. We had the car packed with people AND belongings and were prepared to cruise through our weekend activities.

Then, the unthinkable happened.

Our car got broken into overnight at the motel.

It's amazing to me how we are never emotionally prepared for those kinds of things. After I got over the initial shock of the situation; I felt badly about the laptop and GPS they stole from my husband. I felt extra sensitive about my 8 year old daughter's purse they stole. Not because it had a lot of money in it (it only contained $1.50 after her mall excursion the day before). But I felt badly for her because it was her first "grown-up" purse and because she had packed it so carefully. She had been so careful to take good care of her glasses paraphernalia that it held inside. And the things in her purse, were important - TO HER.

We were thankful of course, for the items that they had overlooked and blessed that they did not damage our car in any way.

But as time went on, I grew increasingly frustrated as my thoughts were drawn back to what would be lost forever to us. I lamented over the briefcase they stole from me that contained the book I'd been reading (Specially given to me by my stepson), the magazines, and my writing notebooks. Those notebooks contained records of my thoughts and had notes of things I'd been working on. They would be lost forever and I would never be able to quite recapture the feeling or original intentions I'd had in mind when penning them. I know you can buy a new purse but you cannot buy back thoughts and words put down on paper.

And it's more than that. It's the interruption and invasion of my plans - our plans. Those were OUR things. Our methods of organization, our life!! It truly was pieces of our personalities. Pieces of us.
And yet as frustrating and unsettling as this has all been --- I am proud of my family. For we have taken it as much in stride as anyone possibly can. We realize that we are all safe and we are far more valuable than any of our material possessions. We have one another and that matters and means the most to us.

There will always be bad people in the world who will choose to do bad things. Sometimes we will innocently get caught up in those actions and choices. But it doesn't have to damage us. It doesn't have to destroy us.
If we know who we are as individuals, and who we are through Christ...then our identity is never wrapped up in material things. And we can grieve a little (or a lot) on their loss, but we can learn, grow, and make it through internally better than before.

Life WILL go on. Whether you choose to allow the lessons in your life to make you bitter, or to allow them to spur you on in a more positive direction....is all up to you.

For my family, I hope this has only reminded us where our true priorities lie.

(Written in 2006)

Teach Your Kids To Wait

2010-11-16T16:14:00.000-07:00

We live in a “need it now” society. Commercials tell us that we deserve things and that we owe it to ourselves to give ourselves things. They urge us to get the latest-the greatest- and the most desired objects. How could our lives be complete without them? We have fast food, 24 hr pharmacies, no credit for however long (if you buy now), cell phones where you can get in touch with someone anytime, anywhere, and the Internet – so you never have to wait to get the information you need.

When you live with this kind of mentality and in this kind of society, it’s easy to see why we learn to live a lifestyle that is impatient. We don’t really know how to deny ourselves things, for the most part.

For those of us who keep one foot in the “slower-days-of-simpler-living” kind of lifestyle while keeping the other foot in pace with the trends of today, it can be both a struggle and a blessing to know the differences of these two worlds. While struggling against getting caught up in the busy, fast-paced, stressful way of living, it is a blessing to be able to tap into that part of yourself that knows how to work hard for something, and to be patient while waiting for your dreams and goals to be realized. It’s an internal payoff and reward that a “get-it-now” mentality can’t touch.

Children who have learned how to be patient and to wait for things in their lives tend to be happier and more content because they know the worth in receiving those blessings. They don’t just take them for granted or expect them. They also tend to be more generous because they have developed a compassionate and empathetic heart just by going through the process of being denied things immediately in their life. They don’t feel empty inside because there is a sense of worth being built into who they are.

We can get into the rut of wanting to give our children the whole world. Yet the whole world isn’t really what they need. They need to learn valuable lessons and the rich rewards that come with working hard for something. They need to learn to wait. We will help mold some individuals who feel complete and who have “substance” to them, if we can simply teach them at times, that waiting is necessary in life.

As a parent, I think it’s very important to pass this lesson on to your children. Teach them the value in waiting and in wanting. It is one of the best things you could ever do for them. Some day, they will thank you for it.

Above Average

2010-11-06T16:11:00.000-06:00

For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just. Genesis 18:19

Some days I feel so average. I’m not a classy supermodel or a music star. I’m not really gifted at piano. I’m just a stay at home mom.

I feel special on certain days and on certain occasions. I have fun in life. But the world consistently tells me that they think I’m plain and boring simply because I don’t have a paying job. I keep trying to fight that image because I vehemently believe they are wrong. Don’t you?

I believe so strongly that God called me personally, to be a mother. I believe that my role and job in the home is critical. After all, there would be no future generations – people would not exist if it weren’t for mothers! No one would know how to cook, sew, or keep things clean. And who teaches everyone how to hug? I’m thinking its moms.

We are very vital beings even when we don’t feel like it. We are far from average for every mom has to have multiple talents, gifts, and a steadfast perseverance to be able to handle all of the different circumstances and personalities within her family unit. It takes someone so special to be able to navigate all the seasons of life, all the ups and downs, all the ins and outs – that a mom has to navigate.

I think God not only appreciates the job I do as a mom, but I believe that He holds a very special place in His heart for mothers. One of the last things He did on the cross was make sure that His mother Mary would be taken care of.

We have a very special job to do. Let’s not let Satan mess up the course we are on by making us feel average. For we have one of the most special jobs on earth that could be given to anyone… that of being a mother. Hold your head high and remember that - the next time you feel plain and boring.

A Lesson In Worth

2010-10-24T16:07:00.000-06:00

My oldest daughter has been speaking and treating my youngest daughter harshly lately. I’ve been trying to observe and guide the best I can, but it seems to be on a steady course that I’m not happy about.

It came to a point one morning when I had to speak with my oldest daughter. Now, let me tell you that she is not a bad girl. She is in fact, a very precious girl with a compassionate, tender heart. Maybe its just part of growing up, but this behavior would develop into bad character if I allowed it to continue.

I explained to her that just because she is older does not mean she is entitled to her authority over my youngest daughter. Authority comes with maturity and respect, not age.

I pulled my youngest daughter over as well and told her that she was a person of worth – and as such, she deserved to be spoken to with respect and courtesy.

Both of my girls are wonderful. But they are also human and they are navigating and learning about life and themselves as they grow up.

I was thinking about how I was going to nip this behavior in the bud when an idea came to me. I have decided that every time my oldest daughter abuses her position of authority over my youngest daughter that I am going to pull her aside and tell her that she immediately has to find a way to serve my youngest daughter. My goal with this is to show her the difference in being humble and proud. Our pride can land us in so much trouble! It’s really only selfishness.

I’m excited about my game plan. I think it will work to enhance my daughter’s strengths, while weeding out a weakness. I also think it will serve to speak blessings on both of my daughter’s – it will help my oldest daughter as she learns the value in serving and putting aside her wants; and my youngest daughter in reminding her that she is valuable.

Imprints

2010-10-13T12:29:00.000-06:00

As I was taking my girls to school one morning when they were young and we looked up into the sky and saw a beautiful "La Luna." (moon). Yes, that is what we call the moon. We have called it "La Luna" (which is the spanish word for moon) ever since my daughter watched Bear in the Big Blue House when she was in preschool. Bear would conclude each show by talking to his friend "La Luna."

It occurred to me how easily our children change our view of the world. They have left such a mark on how we see things as well as changing the way we talk about them.

When we see a beautiful sunrise in the mornings, my girls and I like to say "God has been painting." And when my youngest daughter was really small; she was deathly terrified of big windstorms. So one day I told her to be still - that that was God waving to her! It worked and she became less afraid of the wind.

There are so many other expressions that my children use that have become a part of me and have left imprints on my heart.

When I have a question sometimes, I say, "I wanna wonder" because that is what my stepson would say when he was curious over something when he was small. If something is gross, it will forever be "gicky" in our house, and I think we will always hold tender to our hearts nights when we have a good "snuggle sleep" before we were "wakin!"

Yes, children leave imprints on our lives from the very beginning. And on that morning a sweet smile fell across my face as we all acknowledged how beautiful "La Luna" was. It proceeded to permeate my heart as we passed "squowskies" (Schlotsky's) and as I sent my girls off to school with hugs and "lub you's."

How empty my life would be without their presence.

Warm Fuzzies & Cold Pricklies

2010-10-02T12:25:00.000-06:00

When I was a little girl, my sister had this book called WARM FUZZIES AND COLD PRICKLIES. It was a great book that showed these furry little creatures and how life made them feel good, warm, and cozy; or bad, ugly, cold, and prickly. Horror movies made them feel prickly while hugs made them feel fuzzy.

I’m thinking about that book today, and how smart it really was. I know that my children experience a lot of cold pricklies in their life. It’s my job to try to outdo that, with so many more warm fuzzies. I’m finding that it’s not always easy to do – especially when the cold prickly comes from me in the form of harsh words, or a busy attitude. And each day, I feel like my children are more precious to me than the day before so I try harder to do what’s right on their behalf.

I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner, but I should share this story with them. I think it will help them label their feelings and express how circumstances make them feel. And maybe it will guide me as I buy toys for them and shop for videos. After all, I don’t want to be the one responsible for bringing cold pricklies in our house! The only movies, books, and toys I want around are ones that are filled with warm fuzzies.

If we take a look at all our material possessions plus the things our kids possess, what will we find?

I sure hope we find rooms filled to overflowing with warm fuzzies! And let’s kick those cold pricklies out.

Don't Stop Believing

2010-09-21T12:24:00.000-06:00

I'm sure most of us dreamed of motherhood through rose-colored windows. We
thought our children would be perfect, adorable and mind all the time. Then
reality hit.

Some of you have dealt with drugs, mood disorders, sassiness and more. At times
you feel like giving up. Don't!

Our children strongly need us to believe in them. They need us to believe in
who they can be. If we don't believe in them, how can we expect them to believe
in themselves?

When you're right in the thick of things, try to remember that God blessed you
with this child. And don't stop believing......

You Were Called to Be a Mom

2010-09-10T12:21:00.000-06:00

I became a mom when I was 23 years old. I had just gotten married and my husband had custody of his 5-year-old son – which made me an immediate full-time mom. It was a challenge, but one that I tried to embrace with everything that was in me.

As time went on, I tried to run from the title of being a “step mom.” I didn’t like all the negative connotations that went with that word. I was just fine with people thinking I was my stepson’s real mom! But you know what? In hindsight, I now see that God called me to step in to my “son’s” life and become his stepparent. It’s not something I should be ashamed of, or something I should run from. It was God’s desire and choice for my life. It has also been God’s choice for my life to have two other daughters’.

However you had your children, whether you became pregnant by accident, whether you adopted, are a stepparent, whether you have a large family or a small … it is God’s calling for you to be a mom to those children. Have you ever looked at your role as a mom in that way? Have you ever realized that being a mom is a calling? It is a privilege!

As soon as you have those babies, or those children arrive into your home, you are called by God to mother them and to give your absolute best. With every calling comes responsibility and parenting is no different. We need to remember that we are responsible for forming and molding someone else’s life. We need to be intentional and responsible for how we raise our children. That means we need to filter what they watch, who they hang out with, how we allow them to act, and what kinds of influences come into their lives.

I think some mothers “get” the calling of motherhood right from the beginning. Still others either forget it or don’t realize that God has issued a calling on their life. And having a call to be a mother doesn’t mean that God won’t also call you to do other things. He can! It simply means that He has chosen to use you in one of the most important roles in life – influencing and raising another human being.

Don’t ever minimize your role as a mom. Don’t forget how important it is that you are impacting our world and society by how you are raising your children. You matter so much – and the Lord has called you whether you feel worthy of that calling or not. It’s time to step up to the plate and give your all; not just for Him – but for your children.

A Different Angle

2010-08-31T12:19:00.001-06:00

What do you do when everything you’ve tried with one of your children doesn’t work?
I’ve been at this point many, many times. It can be stressful, frustrating, and emotionally draining.

If things aren’t working the way you’d envisioned they would, I’ve learned that you need to come at the situation from a different angle.

Sometimes it takes some quiet time on our part as a woman and as a mother to separate us from the situation and reflect on things. Maybe we didn’t work with our child’s strength or personality well enough. Or, perhaps we expected them to respond to us as their sibling would. Maybe we got too emotional.

Whatever the case may be, have a little faith in yourself and your child. You need to take some time to brainstorm and dig internally. Think not only with your head – but also with your heart.

Nothing is hopeless. When all else fails, remember to look at things from a different perspective and angle. You might be surprised at how well it can work for you.

A Kinder & Gentler Family

2010-08-16T12:17:00.000-06:00

Citizenship, generosity, manners. Where do we learn them? Home? School? Church?

I think most of us would say home. Then why is it that when we are at home, our mouths and manners are at their lowest?

You know what I’m talking about. Your son is sarcastic and mouthy. Or your daughter procrastinates before she obeys. How are we supposed to feel loved, treasured, and special when behaviors are lousy in our homes? Moms, we aren’t blameless ourselves either! When was the last time we used the words, “dumb”, or “stupid,” even if only aimed at a TV?

It’s not surprising that we’ve slacked off the way the world is today. It’s so common to forget about being kind and gentle. People should assume we’re only joking when we act this way right? WRONG!

I urge you to change the way you think. Let’s not allow our children to belittle each other. Let’s expect respect, kindness to others, cooperation, promptness, dependability, and sensitivity in our families. Let’s stress character education in our homes!

No matter what size your family is, a selfless attitude goes miles in maintaining a kind and gentle home. Things will go smoother and more enjoyable for everyone without all the bickering and picking up of hurt feelings.

We need to remember that our houses shouldn’t be war zones – but havens from the trials of the world. Let’s wake up and soften all of our tongues. You’ll be amazed at just how far the language has gotten in your home! I think it’s time we all do a little house cleaning. Wouldn’t you?

I Played On the Swingset Today

2010-07-15T12:10:00.000-06:00

I played on our swing set today. Truly, I did. My oldest daughter has been away for the week and my youngest has been feeling a little lonely. She’s had a super great attitude but I can see her heart feeling a little lost without her big sis around. So I’ve been trying to spend extra time with her. Time, that I have realized, shouldn’t really be extra but normal time spent daily with her. And oh, how I have enjoyed it!

Yesterday we traced, cut, colored and made some paper animals. Too cute. We’ve watched ANIMAL PLANET together and today – today we went and played on the swing set together. We were swinging, laughing and having fun together. I felt like a little kid whirling around on the tire swing, standing on the swings, and watching all the tricks my daughter wanted to teach me. We hung upside down, and she told jokes.

I feel refreshed. I feel refreshed because I was outside with the wind blowing through my hair and I didn’t care how messy it got. I feel refreshed because I laughed and that’s always a good energizer. I feel smart. My daughter thinks I’m the coolest because I came up with silly games like “I spy while we’re hanging upside down” and ‘I spy a rock” when the whole play area is covered in pea gravel. It was so fun.

Do you remember fun? Our lives can become so encompassed with “duty” that we forget how to have fun. We so often tell our children “no” when they invite us to do something with them. Maybe it’s because we fear looking ridiculous or we think we’re no good at it. But we lose something when we forget how to live freely as a child.

God tells us that we need to enter the kingdom of heaven like a little child. And I can see why. They have so much to teach us. They can forgive far quicker than we can. They are so good at adapting to changing situations and they are usually very positive – trying to look at the bright side of things. A child can often embrace someone who is different because they know it’s what’s on the inside that counts. They know how to let things go and just play and have fun.

I didn’t get the towels folded this afternoon. I didn’t get things dusted and I didn’t do some other cleaning. But I played. I played and I laughed and I bonded with someone who means everything to me. It was time well spent.

No one can ever tell me that I wasted an afternoon.

Let Your Word Stand for Something

2010-07-07T12:08:00.000-06:00

There used to be a time when people would say they were going to do something and you could hold them to it. You knew that they would be honorable, show integrity and do what they said they would do. You didn't even think to question it!

Boy, times have sure changed.

I used to be so trusting - almost to the point of being gullible. I would trust someone until they gave me a reason not to.

My heart is so saddened to see how things have changed. I don't trust just anyone anymore. People's "word" doesn't seem to stand for much anymore. We say, "If you need anything - call me" - but then aren't available. We promise to call someone or stop by - but something came up. We say we will do something - but somehow time goes on and we forget about it.

It's happened to me and my husband more times than I'd care to admit. People have let us down.

I don't understand how people can continue to go on about their life - say a glib "sorry" and think that will cover it. Don't they care that their reputation has been damaged? Don't they worry about how responsible, trustworthy, or honorable that other people will think of them? I'm guessing not... because it seems to me that people who truly do keep their word nowadays - are in the minority.

I really, really strive to be a person of integrity. If I say I will do something - I have high expectations of myself to do it. That's why I don't commit myself to things lightly. I want my word to stand for something with others. I want them to know they can trust me - they can count on me - and that I am what I seem.

My question for you today is - are you what you seem? Do you always have "well-meaninged" intentions that don't go anywhere? It's time to change that.

You see, Satan is the one who takes those "well-meaninged" intentions and lets distractions, self-centeredness, busyness, pride of our own time or possessions - and he lets those get in the way of following Christ's example of being there for others. If you "take" more than you "give" in relationships - you might take a step back and look at how and if your word stands for anything in your life.

Because when all is said and done - sometimes our "word" (followed out by action) is the only thing we truly have that represents who we are. Do you stand for something that rings hollow --- or something that rings true?

A Life of Purpose

2010-06-28T12:03:00.000-06:00

Our family should be our top priority. There are so many things out “there” today that can distract us or occupy our time, thus taking us away from the top priority in our lives. We can get caught up in many different things. But if we’re not careful, our families’ and our children will suffer and pay a price.

If we are going to raise confident, moral, Godly young men and women – it won’t be by accident. If we are going to have vibrant, loving marriages – it won’t be by accident!

We need to live a purposeful life. We need to focus on what kind of home we want to raise our children in, what kind of values we want to instill in them, and what kind of an example we want to be for them in the process.

Our families’ in today’s society are falling apart. And I think it’s because we are letting other people and things (including our own pride at times) take priority over nurturing, growing, and bonding the family unit. No one said being a wife or parent was easy. It’s not! You need to have perseverance, patience, creativity, pray A LOT, and have a good support system to help guide you along the way.

We can’t aimlessly walk through life anymore. We need to have some vision in what we are doing. God can give us that vision and He can give us the strength, direction, and support we will need.

Having a loving family is a privilege. It is a privilege that comes from making them a priority as we raise, love, and tend to them.

Take the time, make the effort, and funnel out the “unnecessary” distractions that tear your family away from one another. Make your husband and children your number one priority today. It will be the richest blessing you’ll ever experience.

Afraid To Parent?

2010-06-18T12:01:00.000-06:00

I find it so interesting to observe parents. We are all so fascinating! Some of us are rigid in our ways of doing things, while others of us change our minds and goals as often as the wind blows!

One thing continues to astonish me about parents, though. I am amazed at how many of us are truly afraid of telling our children, “no.” It’s as if we feel like we will be valued more if we please our children all of the time! (Which is far from the truth).

Parents have become so afraid to set limits and boundaries that we have let children rule the roost. Parents then seem to wonder why they can’t control their children or why they won’t listen and obey them!

I’m just wondering… why is setting limits viewed so negatively? Why are parents afraid to be that one “unpopular” voice that speaks up (or opts out as the case may be) – on their child’s behalf?

We cannot always be our child’s best friend. At the same time, we can’t rule them with an iron fist. Parenting takes time, energy, and prayer, wisdom, patience, and love lots of it! And it’s worth every bit of effort you put into it.

It takes courage to overcome the fears of parenting. It’s so easy to let fear take over your emotions and run away with them. But it feels good to do the right thing. It feels empowering to mold and shape someone else other than yourself.

If we can take back our right as parents to enforce morals, boundaries, respect, obedience, and integrity from and for our children – we will see them truly flourish as individuals. We will feel freer and more positive working WITH our children’s strengths – instead of fighting against them all of the time, because living with natural boundaries and limits is how God intended our lives to be lived.

Don’t be afraid to step up to the plate anymore. It’s not as hard as you think!

A Self-Less Mom

2010-06-09T11:56:00.000-06:00

I think the most successful moms are the ones who are self-less. The ones who find it second nature to give up a warm meal; to miss their favorite show in order to watch "Princess Diaries 2" for the 7th time; the ones who have no issues with unfinished projects or never getting alone time.
I think (for most of us) being self-less is a hard thing to learn.

I know that for myself, I have a hard time giving certain things up. And I'm not saying that moms should have no boundaries or guidelines in their homes or their lives. I'm just learning that in order for me to stress less, laugh more, and enjoy a calmer attitude - I need to give up my prideful side - the side that frets over what "I" lost out on. Because what are we teaching our children when we act that way?

I love learning new revelations in my heart and in my life. This is just the latest one on my stretch to becoming the kind of mom I dream of being.
I'm still learning how to become a selfless mother. But I'm working on it. I keep reminding myself of what my priorities in life are. My children are certainly a priority. And in the big scope of things - how important will some of the things I give up - be tomorrow, next week, or even next year??
But investing in my children's hearts will matter always.

TV Time For Kids

2010-05-31T11:55:00.000-06:00

Television. A powerful box that sits in almost every home. It can take us to faraway lands, make us laugh, cause us to cry and even instill values in our homes. IT CAN INSTILL VALUES IN OUR HOMES.

We let our children watch TV because it lets us get “ a few things done.” But what is being impacted on their hearts? Do we pay attention to what they see and edit those choices? We should. Children can tell us that what they are watching is okay, but they don’t always have the objectivity to see the big picture about how those shows might influence them later on.

There are some wonderful shows on TV today that demonstrate family values and keep out the sarcasm and crudeness that a lot of television possesses. And just because some shows are cartoons doesn’t mean that they are safe viewing for children. In fact, most cartoons today portray violence of some kind.

Take a look at what your children watch. Take in the sarcastic tones used, violence and other things as you decide if a show is appropriate or not to be watched over and over again by your child. And join me in filtering what we allow our precious ones to take in.

Family Dynamics

2010-05-21T11:50:00.003-06:00

Families can be so complicated at times. Some people are really quiet, others can’t seem to get enough attention. Some people would rather be independent and do life as they please as a loner, while others can’t seem to do anything by themselves. Some family members are givers – always giving away food or gifts to those they love, while others show their love by notes, emails, or letters. Families incorporate so many different kinds of personalities and characteristics. They are so diverse. I think that’s what makes them so beautiful and unique…. And also at times, so complicated.

No family is perfect. I’ve been around long enough to realize that. Every family has their faults, flaws, and imperfections. But I think it’s what we do with those that matter. I think it’s the families that try to pretend that all is well, never addressing the real problems or issues that are truly the families that have the toughest dynamics of all to overcome.

God gave us the families we were born or married into. It’s not like a friendship where you can pick and choose who you want. But there is a special blessing in the ingredient of a family that you can’t find in a friendship. It’s the tie that holds you together despite whatever happens in life. I think that tie can weather a lot of storms, misunderstandings, and mistakes if we will only let it.

People are people. They are so different. We do ourselves a huge disservice if we expect everyone else to be like us. Extended families work best when people learn to relate to one another on the level of the other person instead of on their own comfort level. If you can learn that someone else has certain preferences in life, take those into account when you deal with them. Remind yourself that so- and-so needs a “heads up” before planning a family outing or that someone else is not a morning person and will never want to do something early in the day. Know that an individual you love doesn’t like to drive great distances and another relative never dresses up. If we take into account people’s preferences into life knowing that it has nothing to do with how much they love us or want to be with us but merely the unique way that God created and drafted them together; I think it will make things easier when we could otherwise have a grievance with them.

No family is perfect. And whatever dreams or wishes you may have for yours, they may never come to fruition. The sooner you can reconcile your “wants” with the realization of how it really is, the better it will be for you so that you can find a way to be proactive in learning to embrace and enjoy the one you have as much as possible. Even if that means implementing certain boundaries in your life, most extended family relationships can still provide a very special joy and richness to your life that can’t be found by any other relationship. It’s up to you to decide that you want it.

Fighting the "Panic" Mode As a Parent

2010-04-26T11:29:00.001-06:00

Do you ever get scared of the things your kids want to discuss with you? How about the things they don’t want to discuss with you? I do. It’s kind of like when my daughter learned to climb the stairs when she was a toddler and I wasn’t ready to enter that phase with her! But enter it you have to!

I tend to be a worrier. A fretter. I mull things over and ponder them and chew on them in my mind and my heart. So imagine having that tendency and being a mother! Sometimes you can feel like the whole world is out to get your child.

I’ve learned I have to fight those panicky feelings. I have to fight the fear that wants to climb up my throat and yell “You’re never leaving this house without me again!” Because if I don’t, I might lose my children in a different way - a rebellious way.

I don’t want to be a parent who “parents” out of fear. Yes, I’m protective. You bet I am. Yes, I try and do my research and be knowledgeable about what is going on. But I don’t want to suffocate my children by my fears for their lives. I’d much rather talk and communicate with my children and have them come to me about subjects that I’d rather avoid – than them go to their friends with those subjects. And I’d much rather them be able to ask me questions about things than clam up and discover the answer on their own.

I love being a mom. But as my children grow, being a mom is tough. It’s scary to see your child pulling away from you and forming their own ideals, thoughts, and values. I mean, what if they choose the wrong ones? What will you do? But I’m slowly teaching myself to take those fears to God. To do my very best to encourage open conversation, trust, honesty, and respect and leave the rest to my child and the Lord. It’s the only way I can get through it.

Somewhere along the line I’ve got to trust that God loves and cares about my children’s well-being more than I do. I’ve got to be willing to be flexible with my children and with God’s plan for them as sometimes it may not go on the road I would choose for them. That scares me a lot but when you love someone deeply, you learn that you have to let them go and I’m making the daily choice to teach and instruct them; while also leaving them in God’s hands. It’s hard to do – but I’m giving it my best shot.

Our children need us. They need to be able to trust us with their feelings – the “unmentionables” and all the questions, curiosities, and hurts they deal with in their social lives. They need to know that we as their parents are strong, and we can handle it (even if at times we don’t think we can!)

Are you going to be there for them? Are you going to give them the freedom to come to you and to be able to talk about tough subjects? I know I want to be that kind of mom. And it all starts with swallowing my fears enough to listen and love. With God’s guidance and strength, I can survive these growing-up years and even learn to navigate them with grace.

So can you.

5 Ways to Make Your House a Home

2010-03-09T16:20:00.002-07:00

Houses have atmospheres. They radiate the mood and character of the family who dwells there. You can tell as soon as you enter someone’s house if it feels warm, open, and inviting; or stiff and uncomfortable.

It doesn’t matter how perfect your furniture is or how clean you keep your carpet. Furnishings and belongings never make up for love!

So, here are 5 ways that you can make your house into that warm and loving home you desire.

1) Maintain an open door policy.
Make your house inviting to family and friends by letting them know they are welcome in your home. Encourage them to stop by to say hello or to visit with you for a few minutes. Let them know you value them as a part of your life. A closed home is a lonely home!

2) Fill your home with fresh aromas.
Let the aroma of compassion, kindness, gentleness, love, joy, patience, etc permeate through your walls. Homes need to be a haven, a place where people can feel secure to be themselves. Someone who smells these character qualities encompassing your home can’t help but hunger for more!

3) Hold a consistent family dinner hour.
Make sure your family sits together at the table for dinner each night (or at least regularly) so that you can share together, laugh, and bond. It doesn’t matter what else is going on in the world if you can all connect as one family unit each day.

4) Keep your home picked up – but let it be “lived in.”
It’s a great thing to be organized and to take pride in your home. In fact, your family will benefit from these traits. But it’s just as important to not let that organization run your life. If a home is so immaculate that everyone is afraid to relax, what good does that do anyone? A good reminder to help you keep your focus balanced is to think of what you would do if you opened your door to find Jesus there after He’d walked for miles on a dusty road. Would you allow Him to enter in His dirty sandals?

5) Slow down!
Fast-paced lives are the biggest thieves of family time these days. Friends are important but you need to make your family your priority not your social activities. Make time to create memories together in your home.

I want a home that has laughter, tears, quiet moments, social gatherings and more filling every corner with memories and legacies. I want my children to remember a home that was a refuge for them and somewhere that they could be themselves.
I want something “real” to be felt in my home. Don’t you?

A Painful Lesson

2010-01-29T11:23:00.002-07:00

When my girls were both in elementary school, we were getting ready for school one morning. Just as I was starting to get dressed and ready for the day, I heard my oldest daughter just yell at the top of her lungs. Then I heard my youngest daughter quickly (and in a panic) saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” I heard another harsh yell from the oldest with an “I KNOW!”

I didn’t know what had happened but I knew that my attention was needed in their bathroom. As I walked down the hall, I see my youngest daughter standing in the bathroom with her shoulders shaking. She is crying. I go in there and I comfort her, asking her what had happened. She said that she didn’t see her older sister’s fingers and she shut them in a drawer. Ouch. Boy, do I know that hurts. I comforted my youngest reminding her that it was just an accident; then went into my oldest daughter’s room.

I first asked her to show me her fingers – letting her know that I understood that that really hurts. As I sat there rubbing her back, I tried to explain to her that even though something hurts like that, it was an accident and it didn’t necessitate her yelling at her youngest sister. I told her that her youngest sister may have hurt her fingers, but she instead, had hurt her youngest sister’s heart. I told her that when she was feeling better (the fingers weren’t marked or cut in any way), that I wanted her to apologize for yelling.

I continually try to talk to my girls about looking out for each other. They tend to be pretty competitive at times, and I don’t want anything to be more important, or to place a higher value than looking out for one another’s feelings. I don’t think they need to step on eggshells with one another. In fact, I encourage honesty and I endorse them having their own space and getting time away from each other. I strive to let them each pursue their own interests and remind them that not everything is fair nor do they need to know everything the other one knows about. But in the process, it’s so important to me that they learn grace and mercy with one another.

Every time my girls go out my door, they go into a brutal world. One that doesn’t always care about their feelings. I want them to know that someone has their back. That there is someone that is a safe haven for them and someone who will take up a fight on their behalf if it is needed.

Entitlement is not something I want to teach my children. Whether they feel “entitled” to yell because they were hurt or angry, or whether they feel “entitled” to be irritated and speak harshly. It’s something we are constantly working on. But whenever something happens to us – whether accidental or intentional – it never gives us the right to hurt someone else’s heart in return. That damage is always much harder to repair.

Moments To Learn From

2010-01-07T11:50:00.002-07:00

Life has its challenges and tough moments. There are those things that come along that bring sorrow, tragedy, and unhappiness into our lives. Anyone who is alive experiences those times! But what do you do as a parent when these times come? Do you hide these times and feelings from your children? Do you try to pretend like everything will be all right even when you’re not sure that it will?

I believe that it’s important to be honest with our children. Children are pretty smart – smarter than we give them credit for most times. Usually, they have a hint or clue that something is going on. They might even know what that “something” could be. But oftentimes, they don’t address it because they sense our feelings on the subject.

I would much rather create an environment where my children come to me with their curious nature and inquisitive questions. I’d rather they know what is going on (on a level they can understand) while I am there to guide them, support them and somehow help them understand it. If I don’t share the tough and sad things in life with them, how will they be able to deal with those disappointments and sorrows when they are older? I don’t think they will know how and I would worry that they would be overcome and overwhelmed.

Life gives us many lessons to learn. How great it is when these lessons come for our children while they are still in our homes so that we can be there for them and with them – learning and growing together. We don’t often do them any favors by hiding the ugly stuff of life from them. We don’t want to inundate them with it, or create unnatural fears – but we do want to softly guide them into experiencing and navigating these times.

All children learn from you when you aren’t honest with them about the tough stuff in life is that they can’t trust you. Or, that you don’t trust them enough to share it with them. It’s important to let them know that you realize they are feeling the effects of the situation or circumstance just as you are, and that you value how it may feel being in their shoes. Give them some credit and allow them the chance to show you that they can rise up and be part of a supportive “home team” in navigating life together with you. You may just learn some things from them as you strive to teach them how to learn to be strong when the winds of life blow hard.

Texting While Driving

2009-12-10T12:18:00.001-07:00

This video is hard to watch. But I think every parent should watch it not only for themselves - but for their kids. Better yet, show it to your teens. It only takes a second of your eyes off of the road for something like this to happen...

The Least of These....

2009-11-23T12:05:00.001-07:00

On Wednesday July 16, 2008 a homeless man approached my family on the streets of Memphis.

We’ve all been there. You want to avoid the person but sometimes you get “caught.” This man wanted some money for food. He said he was starving. I asked him how long he’d been homeless and he said a long time. I asked him about family. He said he had no one. I asked him about shelters and he said he had to pay $6 to get in the mission. We were in a quandary. As most people, we didn’t want him to waste our money on alcohol or drugs. We were unsure as to whether or not to trust him. He continued to talk to us and started to cry asking if we’d just pray for him. I told him that sure, I would pray for him. He stepped forward, reached out his hand and instinctively I took it. We all stood there and prayed. Me, my family, and this homeless man.

We ended up giving him a couple of dollars and left.

I couldn’t get it out of my head. That moment spent grasping his hand and praying with him. No stranger has ever asked me to pray for them before. But how would I, could I possibly refuse a request when it’s the very thing I profess to believe?? And how could I teach my children to be compassionate to those less fortunate than us if I turned my head and walked away or cringed at the thought of touching someone who was homeless? They were there – my kids. They witnessed everything.

God tells us that whatever we do to “the least of these” so also, we do to Him. But who really, was the least of these? Was it the homeless man or maybe – was it me and my family? In hindsight, I didn’t handle the situation very well. In hindsight, as soon as he asked me to pray for him I should have asked Him about his salvation. I could have witnessed to him. Yes, I prayed for him but I could have done more. I should have done more. And the money? What is a couple of dollars to us? We spend more than that on a fast food meal or some candy and soda pop. A couple of dollars. It’s really not up to me what someone else does with it. It’s only up to me to have compassion and give. Then, the choice is up to the needy individual. If they don’t use what I’ve given them wisely – they will have to account for that to God.

No, I think the “least of these” is sometimes me. Giving of so little when I have so much more to give. Giving so little of my money, my time, and my compassion.

I don’t think I will ever forget that moment I spent on the streets of Memphis with that homeless man. I won’t ever forget holding his hand. I just won’t. And I will think of him and I will pray for him many more times. Hoping that somehow, some way he will catch a break.
I have so much. If I’m ever given the chance to redo something like that over again, I hope I can do it right and not waste an opportunity or a moment to share God’s love and salvation. I hope that I won’t think about the value of a dollar – and I’ll just give all I have in the hopes of bettering someone else. Even if they make the wrong choice, I think I WILL have bettered someone else through the process. Doing something like that is bound to change a heart.

Mine.

The Battle at the Table

2009-11-10T15:01:00.002-07:00

Does your family mealtime end in a struggle of wills with your child regardingmanners? Children are really smart when it comes to knowing where and when toexert a strong will. And isn't it always the case that by dinnertime we are alittle worn down from our day and just want a nice, relaxing quiet meal?I have a few tips for you to help your mealtime hour go a little more smoothly.

Problem #1) Your child isn't hungry.

Answer: Cut out their snacks! It is so easy for children to fill up on morefun foods that snack time usually provides such as fruit snacks, granola bars,chips and the like. This also includes juice. So start eliminatingin-between-meal snacks until they start to eat a better lunch and dinner. Alsoprovide water instead of juice except at mealtime.

Problem #2) My child doesn't want to eat what I am serving!

Answer: I feel like you really need to figure out if they actually have a
distaste for the food that was provided or they just wanted something else!There are several options here. If they really complain, don't set them aplate! I did this to my daughter Kayla once and she immediately protested andwas willing to eat some food. You can be a little lenient if they actuallydon't like the food. I don't eat what I don't like so why should I force mychildren to? Alter the item a little for them and serve it as closely to whatthe rest of the family is having as possible; just eliminating the necessaryingredients for them.

Problem #3)Your child only eats half of their food and is hungry later or wantsdessert.

Answer: For our family this is pretty self-explanatory. If we don't feel ourchildren ate a good meal, we put their dinner plate in the fridge. They eitherhave to finish it for their next meal or can have it later in the evening whenthey are hungry. Now this doesn't mean they have to clean their plates. Youknow your child's appetite and what is or isn't a good meal for them, so usediscernment.

Another thing we do is to withdraw the option of desserts and treats. Sometimesthis is all that is needed to get a child to eat. After awhile they won't evenneed to talk about it but will just know what will happen if they don't eat agood dinner.Dinner should be a fun, relaxing gathering as a family. Light some candles,eliminate excess noise, and learn to enjoy your dinner hour.

A More Beautiful You

2009-10-19T10:27:00.002-06:00

As a mom of girls, this song and this video really touch my heart. Somehow we need to communicate to our daughters that the world's standard for beauty is not God's standard.

Attitude Adjustments

2009-10-15T12:32:00.003-06:00

Your attitude determines who you are.

I was at a small theme park once with my daughter, and we had waited a long time to get on this ride together. Once we got there, a woman rudely took the seat my daughter was saving for me. My daughter tried to explain to her that she was saving the seat to which the woman said, “NO. You’re NOT!” Her attitude determined who she is. Not only was it rude – it was selfish. There was a young girl trying to be polite so she could go on a ride with her mom.

When we are in the grocery store and we are yelling at our kids and grabbing them and shoving them out of the way of ongoing carts – our attitude determines who we are.

You see, when our heart grows a bitter or bad attitude, it spills over. It can no longer be confined to the home. And before we know it, we’re showing our bad attitude all over the place!

I think bad attitudes come from hearts full of pride. They also come from hurting hearts. Whichever is the case, they need adjusted.
Whenever my girls have a bad attitude and I am sitting in their rooms having a “talking to” with them about it; we talk about how ugly it feels to act out in that way and manner. It never feels good on the inside to brashly go about lashing out and acting irritable, mean, and ugly. It just doesn’t feel good. That’s a great sign that you need to get things under control.

My family and I have a motto that we stole from our Pastor. It is “Positive and Flexible.” PAF, as my daughter likes to say. We say it occasionally when we think one or the other of us needs a little reminder of where their heart is on a certain subject, topic, or occasion. And it’s so true. If we can live our lives with a positive and flexible heart attitude (and let’s add “humble”) our environment would be vastly different! Everything seems to find its proper place of priority and you can see things and weigh them with discernment and a calm heart instead of one that is stressed out, bitter, and angry. It makes a whole world of difference.

Do you remember that woman who stole my seat on the ride? Do you know how my daughter responded? She was sad, but she just turned the other cheek. Her attitude in response to a grumpy and rude woman said a lot about her and I was so proud of her.

I want God to be proud of me for the attitude I display when things are really tough or challenging. I tell my girls that when things are hard, that’s when our true character comes out. It’s so easy to act like you have a good attitude and character when they are going well! But when they’re tough? That’s when you truly have the spotlight to shine.

Your attitude determines who you are as a person and what (or whom) you value in your life.

So based on the week you’ve had, what does your attitude say about you? That’s something that bears much thought.

Convicted

2009-09-11T10:50:00.001-06:00

God convicted my heart today.

Lately I have been talking a lot about a certain situation. I guess it was something that disappointed me and was just on my heart and mind a lot. I felt safe talking just to my husband and within my family unit about it. I certainly did not want to go spread gossip about someone or spread rumors. I just spoke freely and openly within my own home. Yet sometimes I can forget that even though I may feel "safe" in discussing something, that I am still an example to two impressionable young ladies. And they are still watching how I act in regards to things.

God convicted my heart today about my loose lips. Maybe saying a “little” something would have been understood but I continued bringing things up. And the Lord showed me how instead of showing my children how to love someone and show grace and mercy - I had instead acted in a manner that showed them that mistakes are not tolerated and in fact, can be ridiculed.

Once God truly showed me how I had been acting, I was deeply ashamed. I want to be a better mom than that - a better person than that. I want my daughters to see me love deeply and be a genuine person despite the choices someone else may make in their life. I want them to be able to easily find and discover compassion within their hearts.

It is not up to me to be judge and jury for someone else. That is God's job.

Sometimes I think we think it's okay to be free with our opinions and voices within our homes and in front of our children. Maybe we want them to know our disdain for someone or catch onto our feelings and exhibit those same feelings themselves. But that is wrong. Instead we should hope that they have a heart that prays for someone despite missteps in their lives. And we should hope that they don't want to act like us ... for we are wrong.

I went to my children today and I apologized. I told them that I hadn't been a very good example and that I should have shown love and offered up prayer for the things that I felt were pulling someone away from the Lord instead of simply badmouthing them and talking about them a great deal. I was so humbled that my girls accepted my apology and I can only hope that in the future, I will choose to respond in a graceful way instead of a condescending way for I too, make loads of mistakes and disappoint people. I know that I would want someone to love and forgive me readily instead of simply criticizing me along the way.

I am so thankful and humbled by the lesson God taught me today. I regret how I handled things even though no one else knows except my family. I should have responded better, smarter, kinder. And I'm blessed to know that I will have another chance to show my girls the right way to respond to controversy, disappointment, hurt, let-downs, and mistakes. And the next time, I will try to model the caring approach instead of the critical one. Let's hope that's the lesson they will remember instead of this one.

Wander and Wonder

2009-07-28T17:06:00.002-06:00

When life seems to be full of responsibility and stress, our self-esteem can take a real nosedive. Our self-image is more easily bruised during these times because we are tired and more vulnerable. We have a big morale booster right in our own homes though and that’s our children.

Children have a wonderful ability to lose themselves in the wonder of things. They can reflect on the nature in their own backyard and they can explore who they are while they are discovering the wonders of life.

Take the time to set aside your “busyness” once in awhile to wander around with your children. Let your kids bring you into their world and absorb it. Laugh with them and lose yourself in the delights of the moment. As you do this, you will find that the things that weighed so heavily on your shoulders previously are now melting away as you gain perspective on them. You will also feel more relaxed and focused, which in turn, will boost your self-image because you will feel good inside!

So take the time sometimes to filter the messages you are receiving about yourself during your weak and overscheduled moments. Allow yourself to break away and wander and wonder with your children.The joy and freedom that you will share with them in appreciating the little things in life, will help you clear your heart and mind and remain true to who you were made to be. And truly being yourself is the best feeling in the world.

Half Done

2009-07-05T10:29:00.000-06:00

I was listening to a speaker online this morning and she was talking about how her child was 10 years old and her time with him was half over. She meant of course, that her time and job as a mom was half over.

I immediately let out a gasp and a cry – “NO!” I thought! You see, my daughters are ages 11 and 9. The thought that my time with them is half over just struck my heart. I can’t imagine living life without them. Of course, I don’t mean that tragedy will befall them and they will perish before they can live a full life; although I pray with all my being that that doesn’t happen. I mean that I can’t imagine coming home to a house that doesn’t include them living in it. I can’t imagine not getting a hug each day or hearing their laughter or seeing their smiles. I can’t imagine not having to do something for them because that was what I was created to do! It just seems wrong to me.

Yet, that is my job. To prepare my children so adequately that they are equipped to leave me. That is a true testament of love. And it hurts.

My children may end up living half a world away from me. They may live in the same town but be so busy with their lives that we don’t talk or see one another often. My time with them is half done.

The realization of that fact has so shaken me this morning that my heart feels like it has cracked into two. And yet whatever I feel or think, I cannot change the passing of time. I can’t halt them from growing up. It’s normal, natural and the cycle of life. All I can do is maximize my time with them the best I know how. I can drop what I’m doing to play with them or stop doing a project or chore and truly listen when they want to talk to me. It is so easy to prioritize the things that need to be done over our children! How many times do we say, “Not now” – ‘I’m busy right now” or “Maybe later?” What if we don’t get a “later?”

I don’t know how old your children are. But if you only have a few years left with them I pray you will maximize those years the best you can. It’s never too late to redeem a relationship. And if your children are so very young, before you know it you will be at the half-point mark just as I am contemplating and wondering where the time went. When you are tired and worn out, remember how little time left you have raising those precious beings.

We are blessed to have the time we have with our children. Let’s make the most of every minute – before it’s gone.

A Smart Lifestyle

2009-06-30T10:27:00.001-06:00

It is a proven fact that smart lifestyle choices boost a long life span.

I know most of us moms concentrate on everybody else’s well-being in our families but our own. But one of the best things we can do for them is to take care of ourselves.

Set aside thoughts of what your children should eat and when they need to go to bed. When was the last time you asked yourself those questions? What can you do about it?

Pace yourself with food – don’t binge but maintain a balance of all kinds of foods, including sweets. Increase exercise to help reduce stress, take cat naps while the kids are at school and plan time in the day (it might have to be while everyone else goes to bed) for some veg-out “down” time.

You’ll feel better inside and out and it will give you a better attitude. Believe me, your family will notice!

The Weight of Our Words

2009-06-10T10:59:00.002-06:00

Note: I wrote this a few years ago. I still remember the details very clearly of that night & wanted to share the words I wrote from my heart at that time in the hopes they encourage and help you as you talk to your children.

Recently, my youngest daughter lost her very first tooth. She’d been waiting for over a year to have this exciting moment occur in her life. It was so cute to see her face filled with wonder and excitement.

Then, the unthinkable happened. That night, Kayla lost her tooth. I mean – really lost it. I felt so terrible for her as tears flooded her eyes. Her very first tooth – lost! Would the tooth fairy still come?

Our family all got on hands and knees and combed the bedroom floor looking for this tooth as tears turned into sobs for my daughter.

Do you know what Kayla did? She went into her bedroom and prayed for Jesus to help her find her tooth. And hours later…He did.

At bedtime I told Kayla how proud I was of her for her faith and her desire to turn to God amidst her troubles.

“And you know what?” I said.

“He HEARD you!”

Kayla’s eyes grew very wide.

“And – He ANSWERED you!”

Let me tell you, I saw the biggest grin spread across her face! It tugged at my heart so much because it showed me how at that very moment; my words were helping to reinforce and establish Kayla’s faith. And God prompted my heart with the knowledge of how often our words make or break our children.

There have been many times where I have said words to my children out of anger or stress and I’ve seen a tear roll across their cheek.

I forget that my words matter.

And just yesterday, my stepson was watching our girls on the playground while we had a school orientation. He commented in the car on the way home how he’d observed my daughter Kamica with her friends.

“She’s going to be a leader,” he said.

Kamica has never viewed herself as a leader, but now has this new label and perception of herself. What her big brother said so impacted her that she talked to me about it again at bedtime.

Oh – how often we utter words in a careless matter! We forget the weight and impact they have on those who we say them to.

I want to remind you to speak carefully to those around you. Never forget that what you say can mold or shape someone else’s life and perception of themselves.

Take it to heart and watch as you see the way your words can heal, renew, encourage, motivate, hurt, or destroy someone else.

Watch and be reminded.

Just as I did when God used me to help grow my daughter’s faith….over a little lost tooth.

Symbols of Joy

2009-05-29T10:15:00.002-06:00

When you feel as if you are struggling to find positive thoughts or you are dealing with self-confidence issues, you need to surround yourself with symbols of joy.

Symbols of joy are material items that remind you of good memories, items that are photos or pictures of things you enjoy, and items that bring you pleasure. For every one of us these symbols represent different things but they draw out our happiness. Women are especially affected by their surroundings so that is why it is important to have special belongings around you.

Colors also affect our moods. If you can’t paint or wallpaper your environment, place picture frames, wall décor and other items around you that are the color you enjoy.

Our image and how we feel about ourselves is drawn largely from our emotions. If our emotions are so affected by our surroundings – wouldn’t you want some joyful symbols within sight?

Reflections of Simplicity

2009-05-14T13:48:00.002-06:00

Simplicity. I often reflect on simplicity. I get contemplative on where my life is leading – and if I really want to pursue that direction!

For me – I am in my 30’s. I feel like an “ old soul” sometimes. I’ve been through a lot in my life. I am so blessed and thankful to be where I am today, with a loving husband and beautiful, precious children. I am able to pursue my dreams and am growing and learning each year as I continue to strive to be the woman I am destined, and created to be.

As I do this, I can’t help but reflect on my lifestyle and how it has affected me and continues to affect my family and me. As I have done this, I am starting to shift priorities…

When I was younger I dreamed of being popular, busy, active – the one whom everyone would come to to ask for help in his or her activities and functions. Today – I long for a week where I don’t have to prepare treats or goodies, one where I can stay home and not run to and fro.

I used to think being a good mom meant being at every party, function, field trip and activity. Now I know that my presence is important and valued. But I am learning to start prioritizing because with my children still fairly young and at home, I can’t make it all. If I do, I end up grumpy, irritable, and stressed.

I am learning. I am learning that simplicity is more meaningful. It brings more memories because you have the time to enjoy things and relish the moment. It brings rest, joy, laughter, and sometimes lessons.

I continue to battle this world that thinks I need to have the latest, greatest things; the world that tells me I need to be the best mom, the most successful businesswoman, and the most passionate wife (all while staying beautiful and thin in the process!) Those demands are impossible! So I strive to simply be the best “me.” I may be really good at some things and lousy at others – but hey – that’s me! I’m learning to relax my standards upon myself.

I long for a more relaxing household. One where people come to seek out a haven from the world and not get more of the hustle and bustle inside my four walls. Genuine hearts. Honest souls. Forgiveness. That to me is simplicity.

It’s going to be a fight – me against the world – to stop striving so hard to be and have all that I am told I need. But I know in the end the only thing I really need is love…the simplest and purest gift of all.

Pulse Points

2009-05-05T16:37:00.002-06:00

I used to be a very carefree person. I’d let so many things just roll off my back; trusting that it would all work out.

Something happened to me when I became a mom. I became much more serious and let things “get” to me far too easily. Why? I think it’s because I wanted to be the perfect mom. Now I’m learning that in my quest to become “perfect”; somehow I lost the enjoyment of it all!

As I seek to relax some of my expectations a bit more, I wanted to share with you some things that I’ve discovered have added too much stress to my life unnecessarily.

1) Interruptions. Children will be children and they ARE going to interrupt me! My tasks, chores, and projects will always be there; but my children won’t.

2) A Picked-Up House.This one has been tough for me. Is it really worth getting all stressed about if my children have some toys out or there are crumbs on my kitchen floor? I can get it taken care of at the first opportunity without becoming a “grump” about it.

3) Delegating.I have a bad habit of trying to do everything myself. I realize that my children might not get something accomplished up to my standards; but it’s better than feeling stretched in five different directions all at once and then having to tell them that I have too much to do!

4) Criticism.I’m being very vulnerable to you to admit that sometimes I can be critical of my children. I am not perfect so why should I expect them to be? If I work with them gently even if it takes five or more lessons on the same thing; I will feel much better about my mothering skills and they will want to make more of an effort instead of us both just feeling crummy inside because I was hard on them.

I’ve taken a few “pulse” points and a hard look at myself lately. I’m learning and growing as a mother. These years will never return to me! I realize that too much goes on in life to let “little” things get to me that won’t matter tomorrow, or next week.I may not be the “perfect” mom, but I hope I am on the road to learning how to be a loving one.

Where's The Joy?

2009-04-24T15:02:00.002-06:00

There is so much to get done these days. Sometimes it seems like there aren’t enough hours in the day to get it all accomplished! But, you know what? We don’t have any more or less time during our days than our ancestors did. The difference is that they seemed to have a different spirit and attitude towards life.

We want to be organized. We want to get our lists and projects done, but at what cost?

I know that sometimes I have been so focused on a project I am doing that I have been sharp with my kids. I’m not proud of that. I would get my agenda done and accomplished but I wouldn’t relax. I became stressed and more easily irritated. In the meantime life was flying by and I was missing out on enjoying the everyday little things.

I am working on setting aside my agenda every now and again to sit down and look at my family. Really see them, be with them; body, mind and soul and enjoy their company. How I relish doing that! I am also learning on enjoying my work time as well as my playtime.

We need to learn to be more joyful in all parts of our life not just certain breaks or intervals of it. If you can take pleasure in a chore, time seems to go by more swiftly and you feel more relaxed and less rushed in life. Take pride and pleasure not just in your hobbies and interests but also in your household work. You can feel pleasure in planting flowers, cooking an aroma-filled dinner or making a bed that you know brings you rest. Be interested in all you do. You will see how you can carry a joyful heart with you as you work as well as when you play.

We don’t need more hours or days in which to enjoy ourselves. Laura Ingalls Wilder said, “If we expect to enjoy our life, we will have to learn to be joyful in all of it, not just at stated intervals when we can get time or when we have nothing else to do.”

I’m working on doing just that and hoping it rubs off on my family as well. It will take time and effort but I’m determined to learn and feel joy permeate my life.

I hope that you may also rediscover that joy.

A Blessed Step

2009-04-12T10:45:00.000-06:00

Stepparents are very near and dear to my heart. I think being one has got to be one of the most heart wrenching yet rewarding jobs today. Because it IS a job – I should know. I became a step mom at the age of 23. If you would’ve asked me when I was growing up where I saw my life heading, I would’ve laughed at even the remotest suggestion or possibility of ever marrying someone who already had a child. That just wasn’t part of the “dream” ya know? But I wised up quickly! I learned a lot and God quickly taught me that His grace applies to EVERYONE.

Today, I want to encourage and uplift all stepparents out there who have jumped in to their blended family situation with both of their feet. I am here to applaud you because our children (and that is truly what they become) need us.

The future will have its transitions and growing pains but there are very valuable lessons that you can carry with you to help your stepchildren develop integrity in themselves, as well as develop a sense of trust and belonging in your family unit.

The Lord Jesus Christ.
You will make mistakes and others may confuse or let your stepchild down but God is ALWAYS there for them even when they are away on visitation. And you can remind your stepchildren that the rules God has for them don’t change from household to household but are consistent for their protection. God can be their one constant.

Honesty
So much conflict can go on in a blended family but you can vow to always be honest with your stepchildren. They need to hear that and need to know they can count on that from someone. Tell them over and over again that they can ask you anything or come to you anytime and you will always be honest with them and tell them the truth. You may not be able to fully disclose all the elements of what they are asking about, but you can give them honesty on a level that their ages, maturity, and situation calls for.

A Healthy Marriage
You and your husband will be married longer than children will be in your home. So, if you’re happy then you can be at your best for your children and then they will be happy, as well. Reassure all of your children and let them know that although you may argue with your spouse at times, you will always be together. It’s important for them to be able to count on that.

You ARE your stepchild’s parent!
This is such a controversial statement but to those of us who have shared full custody of our stepchildren with our spouses – I think we’d all agree that our children need to feel like they have a place where they fit and belong. They need a place where they are free to develop roots in who they are. We are the ones raising them and although respect is a two-way street, they need to trust and obey us.

Remember yourself
As selfish as this may sound it is SO vital. There can be a lot of stress and tension in a stepfamily situation – so you need to be able to grab times to remind yourself of who you are and what you stand for. Children can also sense your self-confidence and it can be so easy to doubt yourself. If you’re guided with love and open to God’s leading, then you can trust yourself and your intuition.

I want to offer you today what I myself needed to hear so many times. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. God sent you into your child(ren)’s lives on purpose. He sent you into the life of your spouse. Don’t give up but be determined to make a difference. You can give the word “step” a good God-blessed name and you can gain rewards that touch your heart in places that nothing else can. Love your stepchildren and always do your best by them. God will take care of the rest.

Investing Our Time

2009-04-02T14:18:00.001-06:00

Needs. We all have them. Some have the need of transportation, or finances – others have the need of child care. What about those who have no husband or a husband who travels all of the time? They need someone to help them fix things up or help them with yard work. There is the mom who could use someone to fix meals for her once in awhile as she cares for a child with disabilities or the family who has no relatives nearby and just needs friendship and a support system.

What are your needs? Do you feel like they are being filled?

God tells us in Hebrews 10:24, 25 "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching."

To me that means being there for each other – being there – physically. Giving up of yourselves and your time. It seems to me that it is so much easier for people these days to say, “I’ll pray for you” than it is for them to actually move to action themselves. It’s easier for them to talk to you and ask how it’s going than it is for them to give up their own valuable time to help in some way. And if there are people giving and making efforts; a lot of times it is for some big “cause.” The church can often make the mistake of looking outward to helping “others” rather than looking inward and helping its own.

I’ll give you an example.

When we first moved into our house we had A LOT of yard work to do. Living on an acre, we still do. One day shortly after our move we asked some men and friends in our church to come and help us shovel some rock that we were having delivered. We offered to provide lunch for everyone. We must have invited over 20 men. Two came to help.

We live in an area where the closest family members are five hours away. People who live near family don’t know what this is like. You have no one to count on for childcare, no one to help when you are sick and still have to manage to get your kiddos off to school or make their lunches, no one to help when your husband is out of the country and you are “manning” it up on your own – no one but the friendships you have made. So if those friends are busy with their own lives – that leaves… you guessed it – no one.

I’m coming to find out that giving up of your time is more valuable than almost any other resource you can give someone. It is one of the most unselfish, loving things you can do. To be there for those you love. Make the efforts to invest in others. If someone is in town and it’s not a convenient time for you – so what! Let them come over and show them you value them and the desire they had to see you. If someone is celebrating a holiday all by themselves – invite them over or better yet – drive or go fly to be with them! Give up your time and finances to invest in them. If someone is having a birthday and they live hundreds of miles away, figure out a way to show him or her how special they are by coming up with something clever that you can do over the miles. I have a friend who had everyone important to another friend of hers take their pictures with a heart and a birthday greeting. She put them all together and featured them on her blog as a birthday surprise for her friend. Now THAT is clever, and loving! Someone else I know flew in his wife’s parents for her birthday!

Time. Invest of yourself into others. We’re all busy. But maybe we’re so busy because we’re trying to do everything by ourselves and have no one to help us. Maybe if we all started leaning on each other and investing into each other we’d find things would go a little bit easier in our lives.

I’d like people to invest into me and my family a little bit more. I’d like to see my kids invest into others as they grow up. It brings out the richness of life. Everyone wants to be loved – everyone has needs. What are you doing to help fill those needs in the lives of those around you?

Allow Yourself To Fail

2009-03-25T14:11:00.001-06:00

Allow yourself to fail. Those are tough words for moms to swallow. We don't want to fail. We expect ourselves to be perfect. We expect to be the perfect wife, mom and woman with no room for mistakes, flaws, or failures. We strive to keep our homes in perfect order, be on all the important "mom" committees and have our children involved in everything they express an interest in.

And we are frazzled.

Moms, please hear me when I say that no one is perfect. No one! Those celebrity moms you epitomize; they have a lot of help. They have trainers to help them get pregnancy weight off. Nannies to help take care of the children so they can have dates with their husbands. And do you think they pull weeds in their own yards?

Nobody is perfect. So don't hold yourself to a higher standard that is impossible to meet. Allow yourself the freedom to make mistakes and fail at things along the way. Give yourself permission to need help, to ASK for help!You will gain so much more internally by going easier on yourself than stressing yourself out by expecting perfection.And your family will be able to relax more and truly enjoy things better alongthe way. Not only that, you will be a great example to your children of someone who is loveable and lovely despite being imperfect.

From Mother To Daughter

2009-03-17T14:02:00.001-06:00

As the mom of two girls, it’s hard not to notice the messages our world sends women regarding how they should look. I’ve fought against allowing my own heart to be influenced by the world’s standards up till this point. But I realize I need to be proactive at this stage of my life to help arm my daughters’ with a strong sense of image and self-confidence too. Without it, they will easily fall prey while listening to outside influences that could potentially be extremely harmful to their self-esteem and image.

I want my daughters’ to feel good about who they are as individual people. I realize that they are watching me and observing how I feel about myself as a person and as a woman. And because I see them wanting to learn from me, I am trying to use that curiosity to my advantage.

I try very hard not to criticize my looks or weight in front of my girls. The world is so “look-oriented” enough without them seeing me trying to fit into a certain mold or standard. I know that if they see me desiring unhealthy expectations for myself or dwelling on these thoughts too much, that they too, will inherit these unhealthy standards for themselves. I want to nurture – not destroy – their body image!

I am trying to openly show my children that no one is perfect. I have flaws, weaknesses, and things that I need to personally work on. And it’s okay! I just need to remember and make sure that I work towards my personal goals in a healthy way.

Mothers pass a great deal more than they realize onto their daughters’ lives and seal it into their hearts. I hope that I can bring a sense of reality and balance into my daughters’ souls so that I can instill positive long-term images and effects on who they are and how they view themselves. The reward will be theirs (and mine as I observe solid, grounded, content young women,) if they can learn how to feel good in their own skin….no matter what the size.

Letting Grievances Go

2009-03-07T15:59:00.001-07:00

It seems like one of the constant jobs of a parent is breaking up arguments or disagreements between our children. Our focus is to get our children to forgive one another, say, “I’m sorry”, and move on.

But as an adult, when we take a look at ourselves internally; how many of our own grievances have we let go? Do we tend to hold onto those injustices or do we let them hold us back in areas of friendship, faith, or in regards to our dreams and goals?

I have been learning a lot in the past couple of years about offering God’s grace to others. I also know that I’ve needed more than my fair share of grace extended back towards myself in return.

You see, when we choose to forgive someone it doesn’t mean that what they did or what happened to us was okay. But it DOES make ME okay! Why? If we make the choice to forgive, (and that’s what forgiveness is…a choice) it frees us from becoming bitter and losing our sense of joy over those same friendships, dreams and growth of faith in our lives. It is far better to forgive and forget than it is to remember and resent.

No ever said that offering grace to someone else would be easy or pain-free. But I’ve got to think that peace can replace that pain just knowing that you’re not allowing Satan to use this grievance as a stronghold in your life.

If you have someone you haven’t spoken to in years, a dream that has been gathering dust, or even some words that you need to say to the Lord…don’t hesitate to bring healing in those areas today by reconciling these issues. It is only then that you will ever truly be able to move forward.

Afraid to Parent?

2009-02-27T11:39:00.002-07:00

Making Your Home the Center of Activity

2009-02-19T13:39:00.003-07:00

As our children grow up, there are certain boundaries that naturally loosen as they become more mature and independent. When - and - if these boundaries ease up, all depends on how responsible each individual child is. When that point comes, your child's peers will seem to dominate their world more than you.

There is a way for you to still guide your child without domineering them. That way is to make your home the center of their activities.By doing this you will learn who your child's friends are, how they act around one another and most importantly; what they are doing.

Make your home inviting to your children's friends. Encourage your child to invite them to activities. Some ideas of things they could do in your homes are:

*Watch movies (enabling you to oversee content)

*Have BBQ's (kids can bring their own meat to lesson costs)

*Swimming parties (if you own a pool or are in a community with access to one)

*Watch sports - basketball, Olympics, Super-Bowl, World Series, etc.

*Have dances (furniture can be pushed aside for a few hours)

*Study groups (it can make homework more fun as long as it IS being done!)

*Holidays - N. Year's Eve, Memorial Day, 4th of July, etc.

*Dinners - (how about sharing your family dinner with a friend once in awhile?)

Be available not only to welcome your child's peers in your home, but to get to know their parents as well.

The price to pay for a fuller and noisier house, sometimes, is well worth the knowledge and tools it will equip you with in guiding your growing child into a safe and trustworthy adult.

And a Child Shall Lead Them....

2009-02-13T16:45:00.001-07:00

What an amazing young girl...

Grocery Store Tensions

2009-02-06T16:25:00.002-07:00

I have to make a weekly trip to the grocery store. With growing children, the food goes quickly around our house!

I must admit that I prefer going to the grocery store alone. If my husband tags along he usually tries to throw "extra's" into the cart and if my children tag along they can distract me from comparing prices or hurrying through this necessary task as quickly as possible. At times I admit, I tersely tell them to "be quiet so I can think!" But nothing compares to the feeling I get when I see other moms with their children in the grocery store.

I don't know what happens to a mom when she needs to buy food for her family with her children around - but I think it's close to "paranoia" and "schizophrenia." I have been astonished as I've watched mothers yank on their children's arms, shove them out of the way of my cart, and firmly grip them by the neck as they usher them to the side of the aisle. I've seen children smacked, yelled at, and generally ridiculed in front of others.

Moms - WHAT ARE WE DOING???? Is it really worth hurting your child's arm or neck because they accidentally were in the way of another person's cart? How about a - "Tommy, watch where you are going okay?" Is it necessary to belittle your precious child because they accidentally threw two cans of soup on top of the bread?? Can't you just explain to them why heavier things smash the lighter things?

I have been horrified at our behavior. I see these children's eyes when "mom" can only see her anger. It breaks my heart. And it's gotten me to see how I took my own children's behavior in far too serious of a manner when shopping.

My girls have watched as moms have done these things to their children. Their eyes are wide-eyed and they take it all in. And do you know what I do when we are onlookers to one of these incidents? I wrap my arms around my girls and I tell them, "I love you." And they tell me, "I love you too, mommy."

I don't know why women act this way in grocery stores or other stores for that matter. I do know it's the "dark-side" of mothering that shames me because the emotions hit too close to home.

I wish I could appeal to any compassion in any mother and beg her, "Please, PLEASE do NOT handle your children physically or emotionally so roughly! If you could only see yourself in a mirror you would weep at your own ugly behavior."

I remember a day when I would watch moms beam and glow over their children. They would brag over them and laugh at their mistakes as they learned and grew. I don't know what happened to this kind of mothering, but if it's gone extinct then the future of our world is in great distress.

Lord - let me be a mother to make my children proud. Let me teach them kindness, gentleness, patience, compassion, joy, self-control, and long-suffering. No squished twinkie could ever matter as much.

Cheery Clutter

2009-01-31T16:05:00.002-07:00

**Note** I wrote this article when my girls were younger. Today, I thought that maybe it would help or remind some other young mom to relish those moments with her yung-uns because they will be gone all too soon.

~~~~~~~

Once you have children it’s difficult to adjust to new messes and leftover items being discarded all over your house. It can be frustrating because you feel like you are always picking things up only to turn around and find them on the floor again.

But, it can also be cheerful.

Remember how much you wanted those children when you were pregnant? If you were anything like me, you would dream about playing with them, hearing them giggle, and holding them in your arms.

Remember how much you cry when you see a child hurt on the news? Those are the times when I think of how thankful I am for those loose toys. They make me realize how I can stress over a little annoyance when there are much bigger problems that I could be worried about. The toys are a symbol that my children are alive and healthy. Thank Heavens for that!!

The impact that a little rattle and stuffed animal can bring to a room is fascinating to me. A room can seem so cold and void of love without the warmth and smile that a toy brings to my face. These precious items add such sunshine to my home that sometimes now; I even forget they’re clutter.

It's What's Inside The House That Counts

2009-01-22T13:37:00.001-07:00

What's inside your house? I'm not talking about your furniture, pictures or belongings. I'm talking about "atmosphere".

Does your home proudly boast of love and encouragement with children's artwork everywhere and love notes left on pillows and bulletin boards? Do you partake in activities that bond or purely "solo" activities that divide?

Walk around your home today. Take a good look at the mood and atmosphere your home creates. Then, make a vow to either nourish the love that already permeates your house; or plan to start focusing and highlighting on the blessings that you want your family and friends to feel when they are in your home. Sometimes you as the mom are the only one who can do this!

And what a powerful way to influence your families’ thoughts, convictions, and attitudes – through some simple symbols of what really matters.

Lovely Blog Award

2009-01-16T10:56:00.003-07:00

This blog is not that old. I started it as a way for parents to come to one spot to get more niche articles on parenting. My main blog tends to incorporate many things into one - personal, women, parenting, fun, family, ministry, etc. But I wanted this one to focus mainly on parents trying to raise character-rich kids in a tough world.

I'm not even sure how many people know about this blog yet.

So imagine my suprise when Chrissy over at Meaningful Days told me she had an award for me!
Thank you, Chrissy. That was so very kind of you. And it encouraged me. : ):)

The Reward For Sacrifice

2009-01-08T10:57:00.002-07:00

We hear it all the time. Parents need time for themselves. “Remember to take care of yourself, too!” I even encourage moms to do that very thing. To find time to relax, pamper themselves and regroup a little so they aren’t so burned out and stressed when they need to be calm, gentle and understanding with their children. But that thought can go too far.

I have seen something that disturbs me a great deal. I see some parents taking such good care of themselves and their own social life that not only do their children suffer; but their whole family unit is fractured because of selfishness. Yep. I said it. Selfishness.

You see – there is a fine line between carving out some quiet time for yourself once in awhile or finding time to share laughter with friends – to – going out with your friends constantly or being involved in so many activities that your children are left to fend for themselves most of the time. We are the parents. We made a vow when we had children to raise them, love them and take care of them. How can you do that adequately if you are always involved in your own social activities? Even if your children are in attendance at those activities, they are not being given your full attention, your full warmth and love.

Families come first. Quiet time, social circles, fun activities, jobs – they all come in second. Don’t “live it up” so much that your children become strangers to you. If that happens you might find yourself facing situations or circumstances in their lives that you didn’t see coming.

Being a parent means sacrificing our own desires at times. You can’t do everything you want to all the time. The reward for that sacrifice is well-adjusted and well-loved children. Children who are stable, secure, and ready to give back to the world a little of what they have learned. The reward is in appreciating the rare times you DO get to socialize and fellowship with others. It doesn’t have to be abandoned all together. Just prioritized.

Take a hard look at your life and your social calendar today. What does it say about your priorities? And where do your children fit into that list?

Tough Love

2009-01-01T12:32:00.000-07:00

Sometimes being a parent is just plain tough. It can be so heart wrenching to have the unpleasant duty of bringing reality into your child’s world at times. When I say reality, I mean that sometimes it is necessary to crush our child’s excitement, expectations, or hopes over something – in the quest to save them deeper heartache and to keep them safe.

I like to tell my children that I am on their team – their side. Sometimes it may not feel that way when their feelings are hurting and I seem to be the cause. But I am FOR them. I want them to be a success in life. I want them to be happy, healthy, and joyful about where they are in life.

I think a lot of these qualities are choices of the heart – not necessarily circumstances.
I try to teach these to my children and can only hope that they learn that this is a valuable lesson. If they do, it can help guide them through many twists and turns along the way. But, there are still those times when in order to save them from making a grave mistake, you have to speak up. And that’s just plain hard.

I can only hope that my children will learn that they can trust me. That I don’t speak idly about things that I know are so important to them. I hope that they will understand that I’m taking a risk and that it kills me inside to know that I will be causing sorrow, disappointment, or even pain for them.

But for me, love means doing the tough and “icky” stuff sometimes. It means saying what needs to be said even if it’s not fun or welcomed. I don’t want to just be my child’s “buddy” – I want to be a mentor and confidante; someone who is cherished for their gently honesty and limitless love. I want my children to see that I will fight for them and with them – even when it hurts. I won’t stand by and let them make life-altering decisions that could hurt them or someone else. I won’t hold my tongue when I feel so strongly and passionately that they are making a huge mistake. But I will always respect them and give them as much courtesy, gentleness, and kindness as I can in conveying my heart.

As our children grow, they make more and more decisions on their own. But you never stop loving them and it never stops hurting to be put in a position to have to discourage them from making a bad choice in their life – especially when they could be resistant to it. But that’s what love does. And it keeps on doing it regardless of the response

The Christmas Boot

2008-12-19T09:44:00.002-07:00

When I was a little girl and would go over to my grandma’s house at Christmastime; she would always have this red plastic boot out by the fireplace. For some reason, all of us grandkids just loved this boot! We’d play with it and always look for it when we came over.

A couple of years ago I was shopping for the Holidays and found a bin full of red and clear plastic boots! I was so delighted because I immediately felt the love and laughter of being at my grandma’s house.

I bought two of them. One I kept for myself to bring out every Christmas as a reminder of grandma’s boot, and to fill my heart with warm memories. The other boot I sent to my sister encouraging her to set the boot out each Christmas and be filled with special memories as well.

Do you have a “red boot” in your Christmas memories? Something that triggers recollections of the past? You can bring that memory to your present day home and share it with your family. Form an image of a warm heritage in your children’s minds.

There is no better way to counteract the materialism that encompasses the Christmas Season than to show your children how much you value your family and weave them a legacy of love through the Holiday symbols that surround them.

Some day they will forget some of the gifts they received as a child; but certain sights and smells of the Season (like the red boot), will linger on forever.

What Truly Matters

2008-12-10T09:34:00.001-07:00

A friend of mine’s house burned in November. Their son (who has Downs Syndrome) accidentally started the fire. My heart has been breaking not only for the things they lost – but also for them as they deal with the knowledge of what their son accidentally did.

As I was reading a news article on the story, I saw that they had interviewed my friend’s husband about the fire. Do you know what he said? He said, “The house can be replaced, but my wife and kids can't. I love my son more today than I did yesterday, it's just an accident."

I started to cry. What a great example of love and what truly matters in life. We have things that are important to us. We hold our photographs and videos close to our heart, we have gifts that our spouses or children have given us, and we have items that may have been handed down from past generations, or that remind us of a certain place or time. All of these things hold special meaning to us; yet when it comes down to it – it is our families’ and the people in our hearts and lives that truly matter.

I know that I used to get so intense when something special of mine was broken or ruined. In the last couple of years, I have lightened up a little bit – especially when I know that it was purely accidental. I am learning that “things” as important and special as they are to me, just don’t mean as much as the people I love and care about. How I handle a situation and whom I invest in as a person, means more to me. If I break my child’s heart over something they ruined, all I really have are two broken things. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t teach our children to be responsible, or even try to make restitution for something that they have broken or wrecked. I am saying that who we are and how we love each other is everything.

I want to love like my friend’s husband. I want to love that fully, that completely that nothing else can touch it. I want to be able to carry in me the ability to forgive greatly.

We often say that our families matter the most to us, but our temperaments and actions don’t often follow suit and carry out that attitude. When put to the test, would you be able to forgive so easily and love so freely at great cost to yourself? Our Lord did.

I want to learn that kind of love.

Fighting For My Family

2008-12-03T10:54:00.002-07:00

I have only just recently discovered just how much I can use the technological advances of today’s media to fight for my children and my family. I have gotten really excited, as I have discovered tools and ways that I can use these things to be proactive in defending, and claiming my children and my home for the Lord. Let me explain how I have recently begun to do this.

Both of my girls have recently entered the world of email. And although we have strict rules and guidelines concerning this, I have also discovered a way that I can teach and instruct them through email. You see, they love to get videos and pictures. You know – the stuff that everyone forwards to each other? So, I have started visiting Godtube.com and have begun to forward them Christian videos. I have to take some time and find some that they can relate to – maybe it’s a child reciting a Psalms, or a funny video that has a moral to it. I have also chosen Christian music videos that I know they will like. And in a strange way, they are learning. I am teaching them the same values that I have spoken to them, only they are being influenced by those values through a video or picture that they are excited about in their email box.

I have begun praying over them before they leave for school each morning. I lay my hands on them after I do their hair and pray over them. Some days I pray for their protection or a friendship, sometimes I ask God to use them as salt and light in their school. But they are hearing me pray these words over them. On mornings that are busy or should I forget, I often tell them I will pray for them or pray for them while they are at school. My oldest daughter has even reminded me that I didn’t pray for her as she goes out the door – leading me to believe that in some way, they welcome this “covering” that I give them each day.

I read “The Power of a Praying Parent” by Stormie Omartian. I’ll read a chapter and pray the prayer that she recommends at the end of the chapter. The prayers cover topics such as obeying their parents, attracting Godly friends, feeling loved and accepted, and more. Today, one such chapter brought me a new way to cover my children and fight for them through the media. First of all, I go into their rooms and I pray over their rooms. Then, I play a Christian tape or CD while they are gone. It may sound superstitious – but God tells us that His Word is alive and active. I believe it to be powerful. I am claiming my children and the room where they dwell – for the Lord! We have these Bible tapes that are dramatizations of Bible Scripture. Today, I am playing those aloud in their rooms – infusing their whole rooms with God’s Word.

I bought them a computer game by Adventures in Odyssey. They have to pass a Gauntlet of Virtues – nine tests of character such as honesty, kindness, and patience before they can move on. They love it!

We recently got a DVR. It’s like Tivo for those of you who aren’t technologically literate. J I have begun programming things to be recorded – including things I know my children will like such as 7th Heaven, animal shows on animal planet. The Bibleman, The Waltons, etc. A lot of these shows are on while they are at school. Sometimes, as a family, we watch a show during dinner together. It gets hard when there is nothing good on television. Now, we will have good shows with good values at our fingertips to watch. Family values being reinforced. I’m hoping that instead of “surfing” the channels, my girls will start to just see what is already recorded and ready for them to watch.

We can teach our children in a variety of ways – not just with our mouths and example; as important and critical as those are! But we can utilize the advances in our society to help us guard our children’s hearts. I pray over my husband as well and I fight for all of my family. I know that the world is tugging on each one of us and I’m not willing to give up those I love most in the world without a fight. I am claiming God’s power and I’m using it to my family’s advantage.

I’m hoping (and betting) that in the long-run, these efforts will protect, guide, arm, and instruct each one of us in living a life for God’s glory and God’s glory alone. And I won’t have to be afraid of the choices they will make, because they will know how to use what the world offers in their best interests…. And how to reject the rest.

A Father's Impact

2008-11-24T10:16:00.001-07:00

I have always been a daddy's girl and proud of it! My dad has made a lasting impression on me. I've always known I could talk to him anytime about anything.

I'm very blessed that as I have grown into an adult woman, my relationship with my dad has only grown sweeter and more precious.I think too many people underestimate the influence a father has on his children. A father is not just a financial provider, but he provides a lot of the emotional validation and approval that can positively or negatively affect his children for their entire lives.

Whatever kind of relationship you had with your father, he helped form and shape who you are today. He also played a critical role in impacting how you would (and do) relate to your husband. If you had a dad who complimented you and was affectionate with you, then you are blessed (as I was) to have had a father who helped build your self-esteem.

As moms, it is important that we encourage and support the special bond our children can form with their fathers. You can help your husband as he learns and grows into becoming a father. Remind him how valuable he is in shaping his children's identity. If you have boys, your husband is crucial in being an example of a generous, affectionate, intelligent, hard-working, responsible, respected man. He will teach your sons how to lead a home, how to treat a woman and how to carry themselves as men. If you have girls, then your husband will help influence their attitudes about being feminine. They need to hear daddy tell them they are pretty and that he notices their new dress or hairstyle. As your daughters grow up, it's vital that your husband not be afraid to show them affection even as they develop into women. He can also show them how to be treated like a lady by sharing his emotions and communicating respect.

I am so thankful for my dad who enriched my life through these attributes. I pray that you will be blessed by the father in your life, let them know how important they are to you. Support and encourage your husband so that he feels free to bless the lives of your children also. No one can replace that critical role of a father's influence in the home...for a father's impact lasts forever.

Are You Who You Want To Be?

2008-11-17T13:59:00.002-07:00

Do you remember when you were a little girl and you used to dream about being a grown-up? How many of us made vows to “never do this,” or “never be like that?” How many of us dreamed of all we wanted to do, be, and become? Did you turn out the way you wanted to?

Life has a way of beating up our dreams sometimes. There are so many curves, corners, and twists ~ sometimes we can forget in which direction we were headed in the first place!

It’s never too late to start becoming the person you want to be. It’s never too late to start laughing more, becoming more patient, taking care of your looks more, spending more time with your children, getting more organized, or taking better care of your health.

Life is about choices and we can impact the direction of our life at any time by the choices we make.

You CAN be the vision of that woman you dreamed of being. Don’t give up on those dreams, because then you’ll be giving up on yourself!

Doing The Right Thing

2008-11-13T11:51:00.000-07:00

I went shopping with my girls. We each picked up a new shirt; I got some under things and a couple of décor items for my house.

When I reached my car, I went over the receipt because I had used my debit card and I wanted to record the amount that went out of my checking account. I noticed on the receipt that they did not charge me for the two-décor items that I had gotten. I had thought the amount was a little under what I had estimated in my head, but did not know their mistake until I was already out of the store and in my vehicle.

What to do?

My heart sunk a little because I was immediately prompted by God to go back into the store. I knew what I had to do. I explained to my girls that they did not charge me for the décor items and that we would need to go back into the store. I told them that since I had discovered the mistake, if I drove away with the items in my car it would be the same thing as stealing. I would be willingly leaving the area knowing that I did not pay for something. And that was wrong. I wish I could have left with the original amount charged to my receipt; I was already a little tight that payday. But I was more concerned about being right with God and being an example to my girls.
So, we tromped back into the store where I showed a clerk the receipt and my items, telling her that I was not charged for them. She thanked me for coming back in and rang up my merchandise. Then, I left.

Such a simple action and yet it took willingness on my part to go through with it. It took me being willing to make the right choice and decision when I knew it would cost me more. It took a willful choice and decision in my heart to get my feet to move back into that store.

It is so easy to let things like that go. “No one will know,” we think. “It was their mistake, after all!” But God sees. And someday we will have to account to Him for our honesty. I’d rather be able to stand before Him and know I did the right thing than have to explain why I didn’t do something that was so simple.

I am proud of myself for being a good example to my daughters’. I hope that they will have the courage to do the right thing as they grow up – despite what they might possibly get away with if they don’t. I hope that they will grow a heart that is pricked and prodded by God to be honorable people.

I have a new saying that I’ve been telling them. It is “Do something good – just because you can.” Oh, how life would be different if everyone felt this way.